June 10, 2013 § Leave a comment
It’s hurting me like a deadly disease. It’s the reason why my Facebook has been deleted for quite some time now. With one exception: I temporarily activate it when a new blog here is posted. I would regrettably browse through acquaintances’ and old friends’ profiles and see the achievements they’ve made and how happy they are from the photos. It makes me sulk in my failures and non existent successes as I compare them to how my life is at the present moment, sitting down on my bed in my pajamas, with nothing to do for the day and still making chump change with a typical restaurant job. I quickly delete my Facebook again shortly after I snap out of my trance of clicking through profile to profile, pages to pages in awe of how people I knew years ago have advanced. I know I am to blame (for the most part) for the outcome of my life, and that’s exactly why I am feeling down. I hate myself for it. I know I should stop…NOW. Instead of pitying myself, why not just step up my game and get over it? It’s not that easy. Many stresses interfere with my drive to success and happiness. There was some quote that goes along the lines of, “If you can fix it, don’t worry about it. If you can’t fix it, don’t worry about it.” It all means that there’s no point in worrying at all. I know this to be true. I think I just lack the social stimulation from the outside environment to reassure me that everything will be okay. I sift through my cell to see who I can talk to – no one. Me and my 3 roommates are so different from each other, that we don’t even bother talking at all. It gets pretty lonely here. I do have the option to visit my family, but I find myself to be needy, as I visit them more often now. I am not satisfied with where I stand. I want to be happy. I want to succeed. I know I am relatively young – 23 years old. I have more chapters in my life to yet experience, but it seems like that climatic moment is towards the very end of the story, or maybe the writer has it predetermined to never include that event. Maybe patience is key.