My Definition of Hell

January 6, 2013 § Leave a comment

I feel like I’ve lost myself. Writing, photography and music – everything that I was ever passionate about has died away and I can’t seem to find a way to retrieve it. I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Who am I now? Why have  I changed? I want to get back to my old self, but I just can’t seem to resuscitate from this bland life I never dreamed of living. I’m even having a hard time writing this very post – should I word my sentence this way, that way, or are my ideas flowing well? Never in my life have I struggled to write my feelings. I have went through a lot of wear and tear in the year of 2012. Drugs, alcohol, and miscellaneous promiscuous activities that I’ve engaged in has separated me from my true passions. It’s like I’m paralyzed. My old temporary lifestyle has forever damaged me. Life is pointless without learning anything new. Life is pointless when you can’t truly express your emotions in the way that you want to. I’m incapable of expression. Help, I’m trapped! Do you know how frustrating this is? All I say or write seems nothing but me sulking in my pathetic misery. I feel like a child being overly dramatic for not getting a toy I catch a glimpse of at the store – that’s how cheap my emotions are. My cry for help is meaningless. It lacks depth. My attempt to get help is not enough to evoke emotions from others. I’m knowingly living on autopilot and I can’t flip the switch. It’s like I died, but I’m still conscious. Nothing hurts worse.


Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading My Definition of Hell at Blog by MissKho.


%d bloggers like this: