Taking a spontaneous turn

August 24, 2011 § 1 Comment

I’ve had it with everything, and I’m tired of trying. I feel like my family would be an excellent candidate to be on the Dr. Phil show. But you know, there has been such prolonged damage with the relationship with my family to a point to which I can’t even imagine a time we’re all getting along in harmony. I’d have to be in a completely different dimension to just see it come to a reality.

I’m the black sheep of my family, not to mention in all areas of society.  After thinking it through, why bother continuing with the ongoing battle? I can’t just suffer here and allow myself to fight and be fought with. The cycle is horrendous. I’ve been thinking about death almost everyday now, and realized how short life is. I wanted to kill myself a few times, but then I thought, why not live it up? I mean, life is a painful experience, but I think it’s best to see what comes out of it.

Since I’m done arguing, the best way to solve the problem is to simple leave, literally move out,  for as long as it takes. For many weeks now, I want to move to a new state up north, change my name, and create a new social life – not like I have much here anyway. It’s just that I need to open up my world to a new experience. Maybe it would maintain my sanity. My plans to move up north is still on hold, but there’s no doubt in my mind it would happen.

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§ One Response to Taking a spontaneous turn

  • Kiki, Please do not hurt yourself. You are a beautiful young woman with her whole life ahead of her. Take it from a suicide attempt survivor, it’s not worth it. If you need to talk at any time, please give me a call. Please don’t hurt yourself! Hugs! Lenard

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