January 17, 2011 § 1 Comment
After we broke up, I stayed in touch any way I could. I called him, texted him, Facebooked him. I even spent time with him on a frequent basis for 3 months after our relationship ended because he was okay with just “being friends” with me – I was wanting more. I wanted to be available for reconciliation in case he changes his mind in the next few weeks, months, years…In the end, I felt miserable. I knew I was just wasting my energy and time. He didn’t want me to be around unless I will accept the fact that we’d never be a couple ever again. Now, the biggest challenge for me is feeling guilty and ashamed of myself for acting in such an undignified manner – being needy and pathetic, especially since we only dated for 2 months. I compulsively contacted him even after we mutually agreed to not talk anymore. I felt there still was no “closure” and kept asking him why things ended up the way they did – never was I satisfied with the answers. I finally put in the “no contact” rule in hand, and I will assure you this is the rule to follow when a breakup comes in place. Since I forgave myself for my downfalls, this “no contact” has been extremely liberating.
If you’re suffering from a breakup, it’s not the end of the world, though it may seem that way. You probably have things you want your ex to think about regardless whether he/she wants to hear it. You may feel that everything you’re trying to say goes in one ear, and out the other. Stop trying to expend so much energy on someone who has called it quits. You’re only hurting yourself more and you may resent your ex because you typically feel that your pain is far worse than his/hers – that’s because you’re making your pain worse than it should be! You need to end the cycle of contact. The sooner you end it, the better issues will get relieved in the long run. If your ex dumped you, that is what he/she needs to figure out. You shouldn’t be the one to fix your ex’s feelings. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone “thinking correctly” and you don’t want that kind of responsibility to control. It’s just wasted energy that produces a more painful heartache and can possibly make an enemy of each other. Just simply let go. Save your troubles. Everyone will be happier in the end. When you give yourself the opportunity to let go, you will be free to find someone whose thinking is more compatible with yours. Save your energy for building a new life.